Friday, May 3, 2019

Sick Sentences

At writing time we have been looking at Sick Sentences and trying to make them better. This week our Sick Sentences were "There were rows of seats. Cobwebs covered the walls. It was cold in the room". We talked about how there were no wow words in these sentences, and thought that we could make them better by adding more detail, wow words and a simile. First, we worked independently to fix the sentences, then we shared our ideas. Finally, we chose our favourite parts of the sentences that we had come up with to fix the sick sentences as a class. This is what we came up with. Let us know what you think. Did we make the sentence better?

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2 comments:

  1. Mrs Rachael HeffermanMay 13, 2019 at 9:24 AM

    Hi Team Toi Toi, We like how you added detail to your sentences. It helped to create a picture in our minds of the cinema. Our favourite part is where you described the cobwebs like mozzarella cheese! We all thought about eating pizza! But we know exactly what you mean. We look forward to seeing more of your writing. From Kererū Learning Space at WPS.

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  2. AnonymousMay 13, 2019 at 10:31 AM

    hi team Toi Toi it did make a good new thing .I have a Question why is the lights on .was your feet yuck.

    from yaldhurst Model School Bella and Alice.

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